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THE ARE OF LETTING GO

 


1. The Nature of Holding On

Much of human suffering arises because we cling — to people, possessions, status, beliefs, even our very sense of self. We want permanence in a world that is, at its essence, impermanent. As Buddhism frames it, clinging leads to dukkha (suffering), because everything we try to hold is like water slipping through our hands.

When it comes to our loved ones, our clinging often takes the form of wanting to protect them from harm, to preserve them against change, or to hold on to them even in the face of death. This is deeply human, but it also conflicts with reality: life flows, and everything passes.

2. The Art of Letting Go

Letting go, as Alan Watts often emphasized, is not a cold abandonment. It’s not indifference. It’s a trust — a recognition that the universe has its own rhythm and we are participants, not controllers.

  • In ourselves: Letting go means loosening the grip of the ego — the constant attempt to “fix” life, to demand it be as we wish. It is saying “yes” to the present moment, even when it isn’t what we imagined.
  • With our loved ones: Letting go means loving without clutching. To give space for their becoming, to allow them to live their path, and to accept that they, like us, are part of the larger cosmic dance. This includes accepting their joys, their sorrows, and eventually, their passing.

3. Wu Wei and Effortless Harmony

The Taoist principle of wu wei — often translated as “non-doing” or “effortless action” — illuminates the art of letting go. Wu wei does not mean passivity; it means acting in alignment with the natural flow instead of forcing against it.

Applied to existence:

  • We do not force life into rigid plans. We live responsively, like water adapting to the shape of the riverbed.
  • With loved ones, wu wei means nurturing without over-possessing. It’s guiding children without controlling them, supporting a spouse without trying to mold them, mourning without being crushed by resistance to death.

Alan Watts put it this way: “To let go of yourself, to let go of life, to let go of control, is to realize that you were never holding it in the first place.”

4. Existence as a Dance

Eastern traditions often liken existence to a dance or a piece of music. You don’t dance to get to the end of the floor, nor listen to a symphony just for the last note. The value is in the unfolding.

Letting go, then, is the recognition that we and our loved ones are movements in a symphony — beautiful precisely because they do not last. Our task is not to clutch the notes but to listen deeply while they play.

5. Practical Reflection

  • In grief: To let go does not mean forgetting. It means holding memory gently, without demanding that what has passed should remain.
  • In love: To let go means to love freely, without the cage of ownership. Love, in wu wei, is like sunlight — it shines without clinging.
  • In life: To let go means to meet change not with panic, but with curiosity. Each ending is also a beginning in disguise.


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